An Ode To Mrs Evangelist On Valentine’s Day

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Is that cabbage in your teeth? Sorry, sorry, never mind.
Is that cabbage in your teeth? Sorry, sorry, never mind.
For three years now I’ve wittered on
About my love of flicks
The films that thrill my heart and mind,
My choicest movie picks.
My love for film grows stronger yet
With every passing year,
But there’s a love that’s greater still
One thing to me more dear.
We first met thirteen years ago
Through mutual love of singing,
(Who knows how different life would be
If instead I’d done bell ringing?)
I never thought that anyone
Could want this ginger freak,
But somehow she’s as mad as me
And tolerates my geek.
Our first date, all those years ago
Was in the cinema
She took me to Unbreakable
(Best Shyamalan by far).
I turned up in a Matrix coat
All black and crumpled leather.
She’s worked since on my fashion sense –
It’s helped keep us together!
Our second date, surprisingly
Was also Odeon based,
What Women Want? – not usually me,
I’m an acquired taste.
But this girl saw much more in me
In both my heart and head,
And four years on, my dream came true,
The two of us were wed.
Five years ago, because of work
We moved to Cambridgeshire
And thanks to her extended shifts
I hit another gear,
With every second that she’s out
Devoted to the love
Of Hitchcock, Hooper, Haneke
(Well, most of the above).
She tolerates my rampant needs
Because she knows I’m keen
Last year I saw two hundred films,
She managed just eighteen.
But she knows that she’s the only one
Who sets my heart a flutter
I love her more than any film
(Because I’m not a nutter.)
 I’ll also go to anything
That she would like to see
From Beverly Hills Chihuahua
To Alvin / Chipmunks 3.
She’s gorgeous, warm and caring,
She’s perfect, naturally,
But for putting up with all my crap,
I love you, Mrs. E.

Guest Review: Sex and the City 2

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My wife went to see Sex and the City 2 with friends instead of me. I love her very much.

This is her review, edited purely for punctuation by me, because I am that obsessive compulsive.

The Pitch: Old birds on a road trip.

The Review: I loved Sex and the City as a teenager and even until my early 20s it was still daring and provocative.  Not any more.  In the same way as you don’t want to imagine your parents having sex, the idea of Samantha still being a sleep-around kinda gal is repulsive.  Charlotte appears unable to cope with two children despite having a nanny, which again makes all sympathy disappear.  Oh my god Carrie and Mr Big are happy, oh no their not, oh yes they are etc, really who cares?? The only character which seems to have it together is Miranda and she really isn’t on screen enough; her dry sarcasm could have been a redeeming feature but sadly it wasn’t.  Oh, and they went to Abu Dhabi had a few ‘girlie’ moments, all the above character flaws continued ad nauseum, then they went home and had a happy ending.

I wish I could be more positive but really I’m now old enough to know better and so are they. This won’t appeal to the early 20s market as they have no connection to 40+ year olds sleeping around and the viewing 30+ year old who require a nostalgia fest should watch the reruns on Comedy Central, not this dross.

Why see it at the cinema: The clothes are pretty and the scenery spectacular. Oh and Liza Minnelli singing Beyonce is worth the entrance fee alone in my book. But that’s about it.

The Score: A well below expectations 5 /10

I now love her even more for saving me from this.

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