love

An Ode To Mrs Evangelist On Valentine’s Day

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Is that cabbage in your teeth? Sorry, sorry, never mind.
Is that cabbage in your teeth? Sorry, sorry, never mind.
For three years now I’ve wittered on
About my love of flicks
The films that thrill my heart and mind,
My choicest movie picks.
My love for film grows stronger yet
With every passing year,
But there’s a love that’s greater still
One thing to me more dear.
 
We first met thirteen years ago
Through mutual love of singing,
(Who knows how different life would be
If instead I’d done bell ringing?)
I never thought that anyone
Could want this ginger freak,
But somehow she’s as mad as me
And tolerates my geek.
 
Our first date, all those years ago
Was in the cinema
She took me to Unbreakable
(Best Shyamalan by far).
I turned up in a Matrix coat
All black and crumpled leather.
She’s worked since on my fashion sense –
It’s helped keep us together!
 
Our second date, surprisingly
Was also Odeon based,
What Women Want? – not usually me,
I’m an acquired taste.
But this girl saw much more in me
In both my heart and head,
And four years on, my dream came true,
The two of us were wed.
 
Five years ago, because of work
We moved to Cambridgeshire
And thanks to her extended shifts
I hit another gear,
With every second that she’s out
Devoted to the love
Of Hitchcock, Hooper, Haneke
(Well, most of the above).
 
She tolerates my rampant needs
Because she knows I’m keen
Last year I saw two hundred films,
She managed just eighteen.
But she knows that she’s the only one
Who sets my heart a flutter
I love her more than any film
(Because I’m not a nutter.)
 
 I’ll also go to anything
That she would like to see
From Beverly Hills Chihuahua
To Alvin / Chipmunks 3.
She’s gorgeous, warm and caring,
She’s perfect, naturally,
But for putting up with all my crap,
I love you, Mrs. E.

Bond Legacy: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

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It could have been worse - I could have been Adam West.

Finally, a true turning point in our series of reflections on the James Bond films, and my sixth attempt to prove the influence of Bond on not only his other subsequent films but also the larger world of film. For this month, such a shift in the world and such a unique entry in the series it feels that I need a similarly unique entry to outline the legacy of this month’s Bondage. So I’ve written a poem, which is completely unique and in no way almost exactly like something I did just last month for the general blog.

Sean Connery’s Bonds had reached number five,
But felt his career was taking a dive,
So he left the series, and here in his place,
A man with the same name – but what of that face?
He’d been in commercials, he hailed from Australia,
He told Cubby Broccoli, “I’ll never fail ya,”
He wore a Rolex and knocked out a wrestler,
They hoped he’d bring energy worthy of Tesla.
 
Many more changes were also impending
But not from the book; especially the ending.
To set our Bond series on such a new course,
They actually stayed quite close to the source.
However the casting saw more than one swap out
And maybe the makers were guilty of cop out;
Some of their casting was frankly quite callous,
Replacing that Pleasance with Telly Savalas?
 
But our premier legacy for this fifth of sequels
Shows that the movies can all remain equals
Or even be better, their impact is lasting –
And not much, it seems, is down to the casting.
For this film has shown that the reboot’s a winner,
And while some would claim it to be a dog’s dinner,
The strength of the concept is clearly the key here,
And viewers still wanted to regularly be here.
 
Legacy two is in some way related,
For even as earlier Bonds become dated,
They all link together, as one single story,
Although some connections are just a tad hoary,
But clearly we must take this as all one account,
Even as fresh inconsistencies mount,
This new Bond has trappings of that other fellow,
But when he meets Blofeld they’re surely too mellow?
 
Sworn enemies surely would not be forgotten?
Some of this plotting’s a little bit rotten.
It all makes uneven this odd Blofeld triple,
But thankfully these changes couldn’t quite cripple
The series. Now sadly ol’ Lazenby wouldn’t
Be back for another, or he just couldn’t
Deal with the stresses of filling those shoes.
(It’s also a problem for some Doctor Whos.)
 
As well as reboots and Bond continuity,
Other small legacies come as gratuity.
Legacy three’s a peculiar notion
For this is the first Bond to feature slow motion
And also the flashback, enabling the story
For much grander notions and narrative glory.
(And contrary to those who’re appalled by the fact,
The fourth wall’s not broken, it remains quite intact
 
Through pre-credits dealings, so please do not judge
Based on misconceptions; but yes, it’s a fudge
And you could be forgiven for misunderstanding
This film from the year of Apollo’s moon landing.)
Legacy four’s also small and bizarre
For John Barry used an electric guitar
To enliven the soundtrack, and some synthesiser,
So the music was great; like a blue pill from Pfizer
 
Had been handed out to all soundtrack players
And the music throughout had so many layers
Thanks to Barry, Hal David, and old Louis Armstrong
Which links to the legacy that’s taken so long
To come to fruition. Yes, it’s love feelings
That only the Craig Bonds have had such deep dealings
With, and of course they are both so true
To this film’s first legacy – and actually, the first two!
 
The fact that Bond’s love life can be so forlorn
Has clear implications for Bauer and Bourne –
The life of a spy must be totally selfish
And dealings with women all casual and elfish.
One more Bond legacy this month I offer
To add to the bulging heredit’ry coffer
That Bond has bequeathed us from six films of great means,
This one inspired the Inception snow scenes.
 
So film number six, and six legacies here
But question why this film is not held as dear
As some of the other Bonds already produced.
I think that you’ve by now most likely deduced
That it had nothing to do with Diana Rigg
Replacing the girl with the face like a pig;
Yes, Bond’s shoddy casting made this film lack
So next time we’re getting Sean Connery back.
 

Next month: Bonds come and go, but Diamonds Are Forever. (See what I did there?)

 
 

In praise of the movie widows

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I was at the IMAX last week watching Inception. The movie reached the final scene, got the usual gasps and howls of frustration as the title card came up, and then as the music started, everyone got up and started to move. The lady sat next to me turned to her partner and simply said, “Do you want to stay and watch the end credits? Is there anything at the end?”

I know that reaction; I’ve lived with it for nearly ten years. As I’ve descended into further and further levels of movie geekery and obsessiveness, my girlfriend was sat on the sidelines. It’s not stopped her becoming my fiancée and, five years ago, my wife, but somehow she’s stuck with me through thick and thin.

So far this year, I’ve seen 61 movies in an actual cinema, and four of those twice (in two of those cases, to take her to movies I’d already seen). Her tally is 9 for this year; against my 52 last year she managed 13. She is not averse to getting in two in one day, as long as we get something to eat in between, and I did manage to get her into three in one day a few years back (not in my league, of course, but still an impressive achievement). But as you can see, I do end up seeing the vast majority on my own.

We do try to structure our lives so I see movies when she’s doing other things, but if there’s something I really want to see she will actively encourage me to make the trip. For example, last week I made a journey down an hour of winding country roads to the town of Wisbech, as they had a tiny cinema down a back street that was showing Skeletons, and I hadn’t managed to make it to one of the four screenings in the more convenient Cambridge. She managed to find that cinema when I hadn’t (and if you’re in the area, The Luxe is well worth a visit).

When your partner, regardless of your respective genders and orientations, shows a commitment like that to your hobby, you know how much you love each other. When he / she puts up with your obsessive list making, blog starting and taking a week off work to spend time in a film festival, then you consider yourself very lucky indeed. If you have your own movie widow (or widower), don’t forget to show them your appreciation once in a while.

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