Where are all the intellectual pirates?

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I’m a rubbish timekeeper. If they were to draw up a list of people likely to be late for their own funeral, I’d not be on it because I’d be late for the meeting where they pulled it together. It’s not that I’m disorganised; rather that I’m overly precise and can’t stand being early for things, which means if even the slightest thing goes wrong, then you’ll have to start without me.

Cinema in its current form is ideal for me, because the time stated is never the time the film actually starts. At least in most cases. Normally, anything between 15 and 25 minutes of adverts of increasingly diminishing quality and trailers that you’ve seen several times before if you have iTunes and the internet, before things actually get going. True to form, I normally arrive in my seat 14 to 24 minutes after the scheduled start time, but it’s rare that I actually miss the Orange advert which plays at most of the screenings I attend. (God, how I’d love to miss the Orange advert, not feel that it’s been burned onto my brain through over-repetition.)

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Catherine Zeta Jones: Is There Something Wrong With Her Face?

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Just asking. Wait, better explain. The purpose of this site is to advocate cinema attendance as life choice as regularly as possible, and so consequently I see a lot of things in cinemas, some of which I wonder whether I’ve seen or not.

Went to see Greenberg last night, and had a completely random selection of trailers, one of which was for the upcoming Catherine Zeta Jones yuck-fest The Rebound. Now I’d like to think I’m not descending completely into male chauvinism in my old age, but pardon me for saying that CZJ, once upon a time, was incredibly hot. (For anyone in the UK, I’m talking The Darling Buds of May era here, before she married the scary old man or started appearing in films with them.)

But there was something coming over which seems to only be visible on the big screen. Having sucked it up and re-watched the trailer below, maybe you need to see it on the big screen, or maybe it’s just me, but it looks like Catherine has something wrong with her face. I’m not enough of an expert on these matters to judge, so maybe she’s felt the need for a bit of Botox, or maybe she’s keeping the same fixed expression for fear of catching old man disease (which would explain why she’s playing against men much younger now), or maybe it’s just the effect of the picture she’s got in her attic starting to kick in, but on the big screen something looked scarily wrong with her face, as if the special effects guys who made the young faces in X-Men 3 were now invading random movies.

So maybe that’s a slightly odd recommendation for seeing movies at the cinema, but there you go. Anyway, watch it if you dare. You won’t see it here, but if it comes on before a movie near you, then be afraid. Be very afraid.

EDIT: Having seen this trailer twice more since on the big screen, the bit where it’s most obvious is where she’s on the street and she and her friend are talking about a chiropractor and they see Justin Bartha  from a distance. I may end up seeing the whole movie to bottom this out once and for all.

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The Half Dozen: 6 Most Interesting Looking Movies for June

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Thought I’d try an experiment. Seeing the amount of movies that I do, I not only try to plan ahead as far as possible, but it’s my hope that there is enough worth watching each month to justify the amount of my spare time I spend at the cinema. So for this month, I’ve picked out six movies that look interesting.

Just to qualify that description, I’m not saying that these are going to be the best six movies released, just that these six have caught my eye and, unless they get especially bad reviews before release, I’m likely to be lining up to see these at some point.

At the end of the month, I’ll see how far I got with this six, and if anything else I saw should have made this list. Here goes.

EDIT: Apologies, the embedded videos here originally were generating huge amounts of spam, so have been replaced with links. I hope this doesn’t spoil your enjoyment of this page.

The Killer Inside Me

Michael Winterbottom seems to have divided the critics and stirred up controversy with this one. Will be interesting to see if the cast all bring their A-game, especially given the varied acting talents on show.

The Brothers Bloom

Rachel Weisz rarely makes bad choices, and the trailer sells it as a fair amount of fun. Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo are less consistent in the material that they pick, so here’s hoping they picked well. This one does seem to have been hanging around a while, but hopefully that’s not a reflection of the quality.


Refreshing to see Ben Stiller not in a poor quality, mainstream Hollywood comedy, and there looks to be a good supporting cast. Word of mouth looks strong on this one at present.

Wild Target

Here’s where the definition of interesting comes in, because I can’t escape the feeling with this one that this is a collection of people who deserve quality material but should’ve known better. Would like for this to turn out to be good, but I’m nervous.

The Time That Remains

I do like to get a good mix of the art house and the mainstream, and there’s a lot of smaller films coming out this month – this looks to be the pick of that crop.


Francis Ford Coppola is responsible for some of the greatest works of cinema of the seventies, and while this is not expected to be one of his major works, it should still be worth spending time with.

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