February

The Half Dozen: 6 Most Interesting Looking Trailers For February 2014

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Is it February already? Wow, this year seems to be disappearing faster than ever. Or maybe that’s just my age. It barely feels yesterday that I started my new film list for the year and put to bed the old one, and already I’ve racked up a dozen trips to the cinema. February is traditionally a month where the last few awards contenders creep out, mixed with the big studio pics that really can’t find an audience anywhere else, but this year feels different: the Oscars have been pushed to March by the Winter Olympics, denying us the traditional catharsis of sparkly dresses and low angle shots of Jack Nicholson looking uncomfortable in a dinner jacket for anther few weeks, and The LEGO Movie has opened huge in the US over the weekend with the second biggest February opening ever.

I’m actually relieved it’ll be different this year: I keep detailed records of what I’ve seen, and last February was the worst month since the blog began. Four of the twelve films I saw (A Good Day To Die Hard, Bullet To The Head, I Give It A Year and This Is 40) ended up in my bottom ten of the year and Hitchcock was a close run thing. So surely this year can’t be anything but an improvement? Anyway, to ease the pain of a lack of gold shiny bald men being dolled out this month, I present my own annual entirely made up awards for trailers.

Dallas Buyers Club

Best Actress Called Jennifer Who Isn’t Also Called Lawrence

Best Actress Who Is 41 And Still Gives Me Hope That You Can Grow Old Gracefully That’s Also Called Jennifer

The Christian Bale Memorial Award In The Field Of Extreme Weight Loss

The “Oh Yeah, Whatever Happened To Him” Award, awarded to Jared Leto

Bastards

Best Arty Trailer To Make Me Look Like I’m Vaguely Intelligent And Hopefully Not Pretentious

Cuban Fury

Best Picture Most Likely To Feature A Cameo By Simon Pegg, Probably

Best Effeminate Comedy Character I Probably Shouldn’t Laugh At – Kayvan Novak

The John Barrowman Award For Seemingly Feeling Like He’s In Everything – Chris O’Dowd

Her

Best Use Of A Moustache To Instantly Create A Character – Joaquim Phoenix

Best Female Ensemble Where One Of Them Doesn’t Even Appear On Screen

Best Use Of A Giant Plane That Makes You Wonder If It’s Real Or Visual Effects

Only Lovers Left Alive

Best Use Of Tom Hiddleston To Get All The Marvel Fanboys And Girls To Watch Something Different

Best Use Of A Red Gothic Typeface For A Director’s Name

Most Unlikely Film Being Shown In Cinemas For Valentine’s Day (check your local listings)

Non-Stop

The Executive Decision Award For The Most Generic But Probably Still Exciting Plane-Based Thriller

The Sherlock Award For Best Use Of On-Screen Text Messaging

Best Captain Of A Plane Who Makes You Double Take Because He Looks Eerily Like Jon Stewart Off Of The Daily Show

Best Film Most Likely To Feature An Epic And Quotable Speech From Liam Neeson Because Otherwise What’s The Point In Having Him In An Action Movie, He Is 61 After All

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