It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid. Well, not strictly true as I’m rolling out the dodgy poetry once more. Yes, once again we approach the season of goodwill, and I hope you’ll extend me all of yours. Following the success of last year’s Half Dozen December picks with their own Christmas songs and carols, I once again present my top six trailers of the month, each with its own song or carol (or in the case of Kill Your Darlings, piece of classical music which you’ll find it difficult to fit the words to unless you know it really well – sorry). I’ve also included a link to the original so you can sing along at home with my new words. Merry Christmas, everyone. Which leads me nicely to…
(to the tune of Shakin’ Stevens’ Merry Christmas Everyone)Snow is falling, all around us, Which is strange as it’s July Tis’ the season for barbecues and swimsuits, But it’s snowing (don’t ask why). Time for Disney and princesses, Cash tills ringing all night long Time for parents to buy their girls more dresses, Merry Christmas, Disney Store.
Kill Your Darlings
(To the tune of For Unto Us A Child Is Born from Handel’s Messiah)For unto us a child is born, unto us a wizard’s given (repeat) And the world will never see him as anything but Harry Potter (repeat) And his fame shall be based on Rowling books, Potter films, it’s such a shame He’s really a great actor, devoid of cheese.
The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug
(To the tune of Little Donkey)Little hobbit, little hobbit on another road Little hobbit, always walking – must it all be showed? Little hobbit, bunch of dwarves and wizard with a stick, Why don’t you just use the eagles, why are you so thick? Ring out of sight tonight, hide it again, hide it from men, Spiders and dragons fright those little men, walking again, Little hobbit, little hobbit, we still cannot see Why your short book needed to be films so many – three?!
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
(To the tune of Hark the herald angels sing)Hark, the herald newsmen sing Afternoon Delight’s their thing Peace on earth for them’s no good Fighting puts them in the mood Joyfull all ye nations are Paramount’s seen sense at last We thought they might miss a trick But now we’ve got more of Brick, Champ and Brian, it’s great to see, And the legend, Burgundy.
The Harry Hill Movie
(To the tune of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas)I don’t want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don’t care about the Oscars (At least until January) I just want to go and see Some funny films with Mrs E Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you I don’t want a lot for Christmas (Although Blu-rays would be nice; Think my mum is buying Star Wars Hope she gets a decent price.) I don’t need a costume drama Or a lengthy biopic I just need the guy from TV Burp, plus hamster being sick I just want to go and see Some cheesy films with Mrs E Think this one will do All I want for Christmas is you, you, Harry
All Is Lost
(To the tune of O Holy Night)O holy boat, your star is brightly shining Although he hasn’t got much to say O holy boat, Bob Redford’s not for whining Even when he’s had such a bad day Patching up the hole as best he can Such a hero, not just an old man Fall on your knees, and hear the rush of water, O night in brine, ’cause the trailer gives away The boat, the holy boat, has had its day.