The Half Dozen: 6 Most Interesting Looking Trailers For December 2013

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It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid. Well, not strictly true as I’m rolling out the dodgy poetry once more. Yes, once again we approach the season of goodwill, and I hope you’ll extend me all of yours. Following the success of last year’s Half Dozen December picks with their own Christmas songs and carols, I once again present my top six trailers of the month, each with its own song or carol (or in the case of Kill Your Darlings, piece of classical music which you’ll find it difficult to fit the words to unless you know it really well – sorry). I’ve also included a link to the original so you can sing along at home with my new words. Merry Christmas, everyone. Which leads me nicely to…

Frozen

(to the tune of Shakin’ Stevens’ Merry Christmas Everyone)

Snow is falling, all around us,
Which is strange as it’s July
Tis’ the season for barbecues and swimsuits,
But it’s snowing (don’t ask why).
 
Time for Disney and princesses,
Cash tills ringing all night long
Time for parents to buy their girls more dresses,
Merry Christmas, Disney Store.

Kill Your Darlings

(To the tune of For Unto Us A Child Is Born from Handel’s Messiah)

For unto us a child is born, unto us a wizard’s given (repeat)
And the world will never see him as anything but Harry Potter (repeat)
And his fame shall be based on Rowling books, Potter films, it’s such a shame
He’s really a great actor, devoid of cheese.

The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug

(To the tune of Little Donkey)

Little hobbit, little hobbit on another road
Little hobbit, always walking – must it all be showed?
Little hobbit, bunch of dwarves and wizard with a stick,
Why don’t you just use the eagles, why are you so thick?
 
Ring out of sight tonight, hide it again, hide it from men,
Spiders and dragons fright those little men, walking again,
Little hobbit, little hobbit, we still cannot see
Why your short book needed to be films so many – three?!

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

(To the tune of Hark the herald angels sing)

Hark, the herald newsmen sing
Afternoon Delight’s their thing
Peace on earth for them’s no good
Fighting puts them in the mood
Joyfull all ye nations are
Paramount’s seen sense at last
We thought they might miss a trick
But now we’ve got more of Brick,
Champ and Brian, it’s great to see,
And the legend, Burgundy.

The Harry Hill Movie

(To the tune of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas)

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the Oscars
(At least until January)
I just want to go and see
Some funny films with Mrs E
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
 
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
(Although Blu-rays would be nice;
Think my mum is buying Star Wars
Hope she gets a decent price.)
I don’t need a costume drama
Or a lengthy biopic
I just need the guy from TV
Burp, plus hamster being sick
I just want to go and see
Some cheesy films with Mrs E
Think this one will do
All I want for Christmas is you, you, Harry

All Is Lost

(To the tune of O Holy Night)

O holy boat, your star is brightly shining
Although he hasn’t got much to say
O holy boat, Bob Redford’s not for whining
Even when he’s had such a bad day
Patching up the hole as best he can
Such a hero, not just an old man
 
Fall on your knees, and hear the rush of water,
O night in brine, ’cause the trailer gives away
The boat, the holy boat, has had its day.

3 thoughts on “The Half Dozen: 6 Most Interesting Looking Trailers For December 2013

    theshowear said:
    December 14, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    so lovely

    theshowear said:
    December 14, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    ….about disney trailer

    […] of some variety and dubious quality. If you like, get yourself a reminder of my efforts in 2012 and 2013 to get the idea before embarking on this year’s collection of dodgy poetry and vague […]

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